The Fringe Freaks

It is well known that when we have limited information about a target, we use that information to form our perceptions of the target. Since the perceptions were based on limited information, we end up with potentially wildly incorrect perceptions. A simpler example of this is when we stereotype people based on a small amount of information. If the stereotype is based on a large amount of information, it can be fairly accurate. If not, it can be grossly inaccurate. Always, a stereotype is a generalization that obviously does not apply to everyone in the group.

So, why am I talking about this? Well, I was aghast at the ridiculous reaction of some people in India to the infamous Richard Gere - Shilpa Shetty kiss. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you can view the 1-minute video of the kiss on YouTube here. Richard was in India on a charitable mission on AIDS prevention and was being honored by Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty when he was overcome with emotion and gave her a hug and kiss on stage. Okay, so maybe he went a little bit overboard for being on stage. I'm not so sure I would have been completely under control if I was standing next to that lady. But that's beside the point. Some nutcases went completely batty over this apparent insult to all of India or a slap in the face of chastity in the country or some such thing. There were protests, effigies burned (the usual) and then some publicity-seeking, grandstanding, sanctimonious lawyer filed a lawsuit. A supportive judge was so offended by the video that he issued a waarant for the arrest of both Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty for public indecency or something like that. Of course, the press in India and around the world are having a field day (it even made the newspaper in Duluth, Minnesota).

Of course, as usual, it is just a small group of fringe freaks who are getting all the attention from a story-hungry press corps. But, as the story wends its way around the world, people with limited information about India (which would be most of the world), quite understandably start to form impressions of the country based on these weird stories they hear. Of course it is not reasonable or fair, but it happens. And, they probably go around telling others what they know about India. Believe it or not, I have actually had people (educated people) come to me and ask if we eat chilled monkey brains regularly in India after they watched the Indiana Jones movie (Temple of Doom). Oh well, if you have to ask, let me tell you, they're delicious!

The Path to Happiness Pt. 1

Now before I get people inflamed, let me start with a disclaimer. This post is meant to be introspective and not prescreptive in any way. That is, I am in no way qualified to advice anyone on happiness. This is just my "journal entry" on something that worked for me.

In true "infomercial" style, let me tell you what I used to be like. I was one of the many who would slam my hand on the steering wheel and curse (under my breath) when I was cut off by some careless driver. Hitting a series of red lights when I was in a hurry would get me fuming and (occasionally) even blaming the lights. While these were never serious impairments, my breakthrough came when I read one of the many quotes my great-grandfather used to print on holiday cards he sent to friends. It's something you've all seen or read: Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference (attributed variously to people including St. Francis of Assissi). It suddenly hit me that when I curse at the old lady talking on the cell phone while driving or even more ridiculously yell at the traffic light for turning red, I am affecting no one but myself! It really hit me that there is NO point in getting frustrated at something or someone if it is having NO effect on them. I'm not kidding, it really made a difference (now this is sounding like a paid announcement). Now really, every time I find myself getting angry or frustrated at something, I stop and ask myself if this frustration is doing anything other than putting me in a bad mood. If not, I have the option of either doing something to change the target of my frustration or letting it go.

Now, it has even got to the point of being weird. I remember a time when I was (again) in a hurry to get somewhere and ran into a red light. The moment I hit the steering wheel and cursed (and I mean something as terrible as "damn those damn lights"), I realized what was happening and burst out laughing. I got to my destination late, but in a good mood. It even works when I get frustrated with people. I realize there's no point in getting angry and frustrated if the other person is oblivious to my anger. I'm doing just the opposite of achieving my objective. The person causing the anger is happy and doing fine while I sit and stew and mess up my day. So, if I'm not prepared to confront the person, I just let it go and actually force myself to stop getting angry.

That's weird, isn't it? But hey, it works for me. I find myself more happy than not and if I'm so angry that I can't let it go, I confront the person with my problem. So, my "path to happiness, part 1" is simply to either let people know exactly what they're doing that's bugging you or just drop it and not let it bug you at all. Easy!