Winning Is Everything, Isn't It?

It's amazing how your perspective on an issue can change depending on context.

My son had the first game of his "baseball playoffs" last evening. His team was playing a team that had beaten them twice before. They were a good team and had won by a HUGE margin the last couple of times they met. Well, my son's team just romped to a massive victory, winning by over ten runs. Not being a baseball fan at all, I enjoyed watching them win, but got into a mild argument with my friend (who was visiting) about the importance of the win and how excited my son should be about winning by such a big margin. I said something to the effect of "big deal, it's just kids, it doesn't matter who wins, I feel sorry for the team that lost, he shouldn't gloat too much ..." He said that there's something about winning that is contagious and that winning should be encouraged just as much as playing. He suggested that I should be excited about the win and convey that excitement to my son rather than just brushing off the win as "just a lucky win."

While pondering this, I realized that even though I considered winning "no big deal" when it came to sports, I did consider it abig deal when it came to academics. So many times I have told my son that it is not good enough to do well in school and get okay grades. He has to be better than everyone else in the class. Isn't that the same as emphasizing "winning" over just "playing the game"?

Golf: The Impossible Sport

I spent almost all day at a golf course today manning a tent at a local chamber of commerce golf tournament. Our School had sponsored a hole and I was chosen to stand at our tent and make nice with the golfers who went through all day.

First, I realized that I'm a lousy salesperson. I had no problem talking with the golfers and chatting them up. However, I just cannot talk to them about the program or hand them brochures about our school. Somehow that seems too much like a used car salesman. I like to talk but I hate to sell.

Second, I realized that no matter how terrible a golfer I am, I really have no need to be self conscious. People were hitting shots all over the place. While there were some beautiful drives, there were just as many (or more) wild shots.

Rushing to Judgment

Sorry to keep harping on this theme of "being judgmental," but I just can't resist.

Remember the days and days of headline stories on the disgusting behavior of the Duke University Lacrosse team? Remember the condemnation of those players? Recall how they were portrayed as a bunch of privileged white racist kids run amuck? The program was suspended, the coach resigned, the kids were tarred and feathered and deemed dangerous sexual predators. Millions of us read these stories and passed judgment on the kids and shook our heads in dismay at how these indisciplined rich kids were a sign of the decay in our society. As usual, I was among those who agreed that these were terrible acts, but they seemed so extreme and the kids' denials were so vehement that "there's got to be more to the story."

How many of you know what happened to those accused kids? Well, after those wonderfully salacious headlines that were splashed across every newspaper, there continued to be very tiny blurbs buried inside the newspapers that suggested that the prosecution's case was falling apart and maybe the accused activities never took place. Today's paper had an even tinier article saying that the County District Attorney had just apologized to the players admitting that there was never any credible evidence of rape. When the players were accused, this man stood before the throng of media microphones and expressed self-righteous indignation at the outrage. He zealously pushed and brought these young men to trial. He proclaimed their guilt and the media lapped up the scandal with relish and enjoyed spreading the story far and wide.

How many lives have been destroyed because of people jostling before the media in order to demonstrate their righteous indignation at the behavior of these "rich white kids"? Jesse Jackson promised that his Rainbow/PUSH coalition would pay the college tuition for the black woman who accused the white lacrosse players of rape. Here's a great little blog note from John in North Caroline that expresses my thoughts better than I could.

I doubt any of you could know how it feels to be accused of rape, racism, lose your job, have a stain across your character all because of our love of sound-bite information and our rush to judge. Don't ever feel shocked at the stupidity of the people during the Salem witch trials. It's not just history.

Top Spin 2

I recently had a post here about my struggles with a forehand tennis shot and how the coach asked me to try changing my starting position with the racket held low instead of up in front of my chest. I reported an immediate improvement, but tempered my optimism by saying I needed to play more to see if the problem really was fixed.

I've played a few more times since then and while I certainly felt better about my forehand stroke, it still didn't feel right and certainly did not feel fully comfortable. I would end each day of playing with an increasing sense of frustration. I could play okay and get the shots over the net, but it never felt "right." I still felt there was one little thing missing in my shots.

This morning, I went out with a friend of mine (who has been playing for many years) and he agreed to help me a bit. After hitting the ball for a while, he asked me to make one small change in my stroke. The simple instruction was "when you hit your forehand shot, hit so that the racket ends up by your left ear." You absolutely would not believe the dramatic change that took place instantly. This time I know there is a huge improvement. No more cautious optimism. That simple instruction completely changed the way I approached forehand shots. Not only did I follow through properly and get the top spin that I have been desperate to get, but the shots felt comfortable. Immediately, the strokes felt much more natural and I was able to hit the ball with more power, confidence, and accuracy than ever before.

I ended my last "top spin post" with the statement "More evidence of the importance of having a good teacher!" I'd like to modify that now. While a good teacher is essential, it is also important to have the personal attention that allows the teacher the time to work on your specific areas of weakness. While my coach was helpful, he was coaching four of us at the same time and since I was the only one with the forehand problem, it didn't get the attention it needed. With my friend just looking to solve my problem (and that too focusing on one problem) we found a solution much faster.

Maybe the implications of this go beyond a tennis stroke and into teaching, parenting and schooling ...

Adventurousness at a young age

There's no denying that we are all conditioned to have preferences. Things that are familiar to us and that we grew up with will usually be looked upon more fondly than something completely unfamiliar. I'm thinking specifically about food preferences. There's actual research somewhere that demonstrated that irrespective of how good or bad a cook someone is, the kids often look fondly back on "mom's cooking" and identify at least one dish that their mom made "perfectly" (even though others may not have found that dish to be particularly well made.)

Anyway, that's not my point. I wonder whether a person's open-mindedness to trying (and liking) new foods can be encouraged or adjusted during childhood. I noticed that my kids are generally quite dismissive of completely unfamiliar foods. I take them to a great restaurant in France and they are more likely to order hamburgers than goose liver paté. Sometimes, when I really egg them on, they'll take a small bite and immediately declare (before it has even been given a chance to rest on their tongue an instant), "I don't like it." The reason I started thinking about this was that I spent a few days in Italy with my brothers' kids (about the same general age as my kids). The 12-year-old was extremely adventurous in his choice of foods. At restaurants, he would order something that seemed quite unfamiliar (e.g., lamb cutlets milanese style) and attack these foods with great enthusiasm when they arrived at the table. Without any urging, he would ask his Dad what he had ordered and ask for a taste with a statement like "I wonder what that tastes like, can I try some?" He actually avoided the widely available pizza in Italy with a comment to the effect "Oh, that's too boring, I can get that anywhere" before ordering something more esoteric.

This came across to me as very mature and sophisticated and I wondered how I can wean my kids away from the burger and pizza approach to trying foods when away from home and get them to want to try new foods and make an effort to actually like them. That is, I want them to assume it must be good food if it is popular in the country they're visiting and assume they will like it unless consistently proven otherwise. Is there anything I can do to get them to actually develop a taste for unfamiliar foods?

If I find an answer, I'll try it on my wife too! :)

Screeching Ladies Can Be Beautiful

It is probably not surprising to most of you that the more you know about something, the more you learn to appreciate it. I can point to hundreds of examples in my own life where I have disliked something and scoffed at people who like it only to learn more over time and then become one of those very people I scoffed at. When I moved to the US, I smugly smirked at people who watched football wondering how they could waste three hours watching fat men just smack into each other with no particular goal. I recall branding football as a slow-moving, pointless game. That's before a friend of mine bothered to sit with me at games and explain exactly what was going on. Today, I'm known to be one of the most vocal football fans around. There are hundreds of music artists I disliked and labeled "lousy musicians" until I learned more about the musicians and their background which made me appreciate their music much more. The list goes on and on. Even on societal and political issues, I have consistently discovered that despite easily making judgments about people and things based on what I read in the media, there is almost always more to the story. Digging deeper into almost any story will reveal that it is not as simple as the media makes it out to be. People are not as foolish (or smart) as they are made out to be. Reality is much more complex.

As a result, I have now moved to this extreme of "non-judgmentalism." I can't stand people who make broad judgmental statements about athletes, politicians, Americans, French, parenting, behavior, etc. because I always believe that these judgements are far too often based on incomplete information. The more you know, the more you can appreciate is my motto.

The latest event to reinforce this belief is my change of heart on my historically flippant comments about opera. I always thought opera to be weird. I mean, why do these women scream at such high pitches? How can you listen to hours of people screeching at high volumes where you can't understand the words?

In Milan last week, I went to see La Traviata at La Scala. My brother (who was paying for the tickets) insisted that I learn about the opera before going for the show. He gave me a short (about 60 minutes) CD that introduced and explained the opera. It didn't just outlnie the story, but provided some historical context of opera in general, the historical and societal context of this opera, some background on Guiseppe Verdi, etc. Then, it went through the opera act by act explaining not just the story, but also the singing and elements of the singing to watch for. After the show, I was a complete convert. It isn't screeching but an astonishing control of voice as a musical instrument. The elaborate sets, overacting and drama all make sense if you understand how opera developed as musical theater and who it was intended for.

I learned to appreciate and love the music. So much so that I ordered two versions of the opera on CD (should be arriving this week). I think I'll start seeking out more opera opportunities. This is why I love learning so much. The more you learn, the more you can appreciate. The unfortunate side effect of this is that you tend to see all sides to every story. If I ever ran for office, I would be the ultimate "waffler" or "flip flopper" and actually proud of it!

Bag Found In Time for Return

I left for Milan on July 10 and discovered to my relief that Northwest Airlines/KLM is better at ferrying people around the world than baggage. I guess I should consider myself fortunate that they were able to keep track of me and ensure I reached my destination safely.

My one and only checked in bag did not share my good fortune. Not only did my bag not make it on to the flight to Milan, but NW/KLM had no real idea where it was. On arrival in Italy, I was told that it was in Amsterdam and it would be there that evening or the next day. Three days later, I was told that the only thing they knew for sure was that the bag never left Detroit. Another three days later, they admitted that they had no idea where my bag was.

I don't get it. In these days of heightened security, wouldn't someone notice a bag lying anywhere in an airport untouched for several days? Surely baggage handlers must have a minimal amount of criosity regarding this lonely bag lying untouched in a corner? Wouldn't someone stepping on the large garment bag on their way in and out of work start wondering after a few days whether it is worth checking to see if the bag is supposed to be just lying around there?

Well baggage handlers are apparently not a curious lot. After almost completely giving up hope on this bag eveer being found, I got a call on July 17 saying that the bag had been found and would be delivered to me that night. I spent the evening waiting for the bag only to be crushed in diappointment again. Finally, mid-day on July 18, my bag was delivered in one piece. The only problem was that I was leaving Italy for my return to the USA on July 21.

So, I did have two days to enjoy my shaver, tooth brush, and clean underwear.

Dormancy

Usually, when I travel, I have a ton of things to talk about (review my recent Poland trip posts). However, my whole blogging deal assumes easy and regular access to the Internet. After I returned from Poland, I was so overwhelmed at work, that I ignored this blog for a while. Then, I headed off to Milan for a conference and assumed I would restart this blog. However, despite staying at a decent hotel right in Milan which is costing me 150 euros a night, they do not have internet access in the rooms!

And I DO have a lot to write about. Most importantly my miserable adventures with Northwest Airlines. I have been in Milan 4 days now and I have NO BAGS. Northwest-KLM cannot find them anywhere and cannot tell me when they may be delivered.

I just decided to check my email and noticed Tom Dooley's comment on this blog's apparent death. Tom, the problem is Internet access. I promise to post my whole bag adventure here the moment I get reliable internet access late at night when I don't have to sit in the lobby to access email.

The notices of this blog's death were premature.